It’s easy to assume that kids whose parents are happily married do better in life than other kids. But is that really true? And does it apply equally to kids from families with different racial, income, and educational characteristics?
According to a study of 64,000 kids and families, the answer is a resounding YES!
Children whose parents are completely, very, or fairly happily married to each other
• Behave better, with fewer instances of behavior problems
• Have better social relationships
• Are more engaged in school
• Communicate better with their parents, and
• Are less likely to be depressed.
Not surprisingly, parents of these kids find parenting less aggravating.
It’s important to note that the results also show family stability plays a big role in kids’ positive outcomes. Children in stepfamilies where the parent and stepparent are married are twice as likely to have behavior problems as children living with their own married parents. And children in stepfamilies where the parent and stepparent are cohabiting are three times as likely.
Research suggests that the negative findings are related to family instability. Stepfamilies, especially stepfamilies with cohabiting partners, are far more likely to break up than families headed by married biological or adoptive parents. And breakups are known have a huge impact on kids’ well-being.
The study was based on a sample of 64,076 children between the ages of six and 17 living with two parents. It included Hispanic, Black, White, immigrant, non-immigrant families, and families with parents of different incomes educational levels.
The full report can be found at http://goo.gl/FrEJL
Monday, April 11, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Privacy vs. Secrecy in Committed Relationships
In a committed relationship, a little privacy is a good thing. It fosters an element of mystery, which in turn fuels desire and attraction. Privacy
• Reduces boredom because you keep learning new things about your partner.
• Spares your partner from useless knowledge about your past that could be painful.
• Prevents you and your partner from feeling more like siblings than lovers.
Maintaining healthy privacy in your relationship can be as simple as routinely dressing and grooming in private, so that your partner associates seeing your body with erotic feelings. Or avoiding the “too much detail” syndrome when talking about things. Or keeping the details of past relationships, especially the sexual parts, to yourself.
Secrecy, on the other hand, is toxic to relationships. Secrecy is when you withhold information that could have a significant effect on your partner or the relationship. Secrets have a way of getting out despite efforts at cover-up. Secrecy
• Breeds an atmosphere of mistrust.
• Paves the way for explosive arguments and angry withdrawals.
• Often spells the end of the relationship.
Examples of toxic secrets include
• Spending a lot of money or making big financial decisions without consulting your partner.
• Hiding your use of alcohol or drugs.
• Misleading your partner about relationships with other people, such as coworkers, friends, and ex-lovers.
• Pretending everything is OK in the relationship when you have firmly decided to leave.
People keep secrets for all kinds of reasons. Secrets can help you get your own way, since your partner can’t argue about things he or she doesn’t know. They can be a way of getting distance from your partner, because they block emotional intimacy.
So think about the difference between privacy and secrecy when you are deciding what to say to your partner. A good way to tell them apart is to ask: “Would I want my partner to tell me about this if the shoe was on the other foot?” If your answer is yes, chances are your partner would feel the same way. In that case, I suggest you “fess up.” In the short run it may lead to emotional turmoil. But in the long run, your partner will give you credit for being honest and upfront.
• Reduces boredom because you keep learning new things about your partner.
• Spares your partner from useless knowledge about your past that could be painful.
• Prevents you and your partner from feeling more like siblings than lovers.
Maintaining healthy privacy in your relationship can be as simple as routinely dressing and grooming in private, so that your partner associates seeing your body with erotic feelings. Or avoiding the “too much detail” syndrome when talking about things. Or keeping the details of past relationships, especially the sexual parts, to yourself.
Secrecy, on the other hand, is toxic to relationships. Secrecy is when you withhold information that could have a significant effect on your partner or the relationship. Secrets have a way of getting out despite efforts at cover-up. Secrecy
• Breeds an atmosphere of mistrust.
• Paves the way for explosive arguments and angry withdrawals.
• Often spells the end of the relationship.
Examples of toxic secrets include
• Spending a lot of money or making big financial decisions without consulting your partner.
• Hiding your use of alcohol or drugs.
• Misleading your partner about relationships with other people, such as coworkers, friends, and ex-lovers.
• Pretending everything is OK in the relationship when you have firmly decided to leave.
People keep secrets for all kinds of reasons. Secrets can help you get your own way, since your partner can’t argue about things he or she doesn’t know. They can be a way of getting distance from your partner, because they block emotional intimacy.
So think about the difference between privacy and secrecy when you are deciding what to say to your partner. A good way to tell them apart is to ask: “Would I want my partner to tell me about this if the shoe was on the other foot?” If your answer is yes, chances are your partner would feel the same way. In that case, I suggest you “fess up.” In the short run it may lead to emotional turmoil. But in the long run, your partner will give you credit for being honest and upfront.
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